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Friday, December 12, 2014

That strange thing called chivalry. Pt.1

To my readers: There is so much info and opinions about chivalry to be read. I wanted to writte something with my own definitions and hopefully people will take my opinion and share them with the world.

: the system of values (such as loyalty and honor) that knights in the Middle Ages were expected to follow
: an honorable and polite way of behaving especially toward women
plural chiv·al·ries


-Men who are chivalrous nowadays are a rare breed 

There are clearly many women and men who do not know the real meaning of chivalry.
I believe that chivalry is being  good, honest, caring, just noble in general. Someone who possesses qualities that a healthy society should look up to and respect. In the digital era not only chivalry should be revived and be taught to the new generation but women also should be chivalrous.

Some women want chivalry to die, yes read it. This delusional women thinks that chivalry equals to stepping on women's rights. 

There is a big difference between being female and being a feminist. Feminist (real ones) have fought and are still fighting for women, so we can have equal rights as men, NOT fighting against men. The first feminist women wanted to be heard and to have a voice, to take decisions in their homes and outside them like: equal employment opportunity, equal pay, the right to vote and to be involved in politics, etc. We are still fighting today for some of the same things.

-A woman can be chivalrous too

So, men are always complaining about the -equality- issue. They claim that if women are the same and can do everything that men can, why should they be treated differently?

I repeat, women want to have an equal treat as men have in society when it comes to earning as much as them, having the same job opportunities and the right to be heard and be taken seriously. 

The fact that I work, that I am independent, and that I can take care of myself doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be treated like a lady, which means with respect, kindness and courtesy. Please remember, this are two different concepts that shouldn't mix. Just because I think that we are as valuable as men are, does not mean I wan't to be treated like a guy... I mean don't treat me like I am your male friend or drinking buddy get my point . 

This misunderstanding is generally used by many as an excuse for bad manners or lack of them. I am a feminist and a woman, I am a person that deserves to be treated with respect and who will appreciate a gentleman's kindness. The difference is that in the XXI century, the act of chivalry should be reciprocal between men and women.

You may be asking yourself, how can a woman be chivalrous ?

A chivalrous woman is polite, respectful, proper and kind; not only to her love interest but to everyone else. I don't picture a woman doing the same things a man would do on a date (picking us up before a date, opening the car door, helping us with our coat) but a chivalrous woman would pay attention to her date, she would be polite when asking for things, and she would be grateful for the thoughtfulness and care that her male companion put into a date.

In reality any decent and good human being would do all of these things regardless if it's a woman or a man. It can and it should go both ways. This is how you can differentiate a Gentleman or a Lady from common people.

To read more about gentlemen click here

-"Hooking up"

This is basically casual sexual encounters. But -casual encounters- equals to: no commitment, no tolerance to rejection, players, lack of balls, Etc. People saying yes to hookups plays a big part of why men stopped being chivalrous, they don't need it !!! There are women that lowered their standards and don't see chivalry as a must on the opposite sex. What do women expect from a guy who is not a GENTLEMAN?

The growth of this way of thinking is due to the fact that every day less and less women and men are taking chances to find a suitable partner or spouse. People are getting used to the informal chats and the ambiguity in men invitations. 

For example when a guy text me:  "Let's do something this week: and then he ends up his message with "I'll let you know soon" It's just a turn off. If you want to invite me it's because you have a date and something planned. Sorry but I'm not the kind of person who will wait for the follow up message to your -invitation-. It's a whole different thing when you get an actual phone call saying "Hey, Let’s do this____ this day__at this time___. See you then" That is an actual thoughtful plan, and makes one feel appreciated.

Not only men are the ones who fall into this mistake every time but women do too when they find short and uncertain text message as acceptable.

The way a guy ask me out or the way he even starts a conversation with me tells me a lot about his personality. So if the first words that comes out of a guy’s mouth is "Hey, do you want to hook up?" I just say no and turn around. I don't want to judge guys and girls who actually say -Yes- to such question ...but they don't realize they are going to a stranger's house and drinking the alcohol this stranger is giving them. There are horror movies that start like this for a reason. But it's your choice, you are a mature person.

Men have become so insecure that they don't want to risk their egos, so the fastest and painless option for them is asking girls to "hook up". Men and women should be able to get over from a negative answer and keep trying. This generation of teens and young people are getting used to avoid difficult situations and not dealing with feelings. This new generation wants to have 24/7 options on Tinder and other online dating apps because for some reason they feel they are missing out on something or someone. 

-What happened with finding someone you liked and asking her/him on a date? 

-What happened to guys opening doors, pushing chairs, picking you up for a date and taking us back home?

-What happened to polite guys who can talk to you without bringing up sex in a conversation?

-What happened to holding out your arm for us?

And finally: 

What's the worst thing that could happen on a date? The worst thing would be that you won't have a second date. That you spent money on a nice dinner with a girl you like. Had a good conversation and a good time. That's the worst.

Part 2 of this: HERE


Sibila ♥ said...

YES! I agree with you 100%

©[ Pale † Angel ] said...

Thank you for reading. I have posted some new things.

Anonymous said...

Yes! I like gentlemen ! I need a good gentleman in my life... I don't need a macho dude.


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