Mauvaise Foi: Sartre, Freedom, Fear & the Courage to Start Over

"Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does." -Jean-Paul Sartre

 

Making mistakes is also part of the journey. Every decision, even those that seem like mistakes, teaches us something about who we are and where we want to go. Starting over is never truly starting from scratch; we carry with us what we have learned, the scars we have collected, and the experiences that brought us to where we are.

In the end, we all have a choice: to live a life designed around the expectations of others, or to build one that genuinely reflects who we are.

So, do we stay where we are or do we dare to start again?

I'm not talking about mediocrity, but about the comfort that comes from fear. This “comfort” isn't always conscious. Sometimes it simply feels like security, familiarity, or the certainty of knowing what comes next.

The fear of moving

-The false security of staying where one no longer grows.

I firmly believe that staying where one no longer belongs is a phase, which can become dangerous and endless.

Most of us probably go through this phase; for some it lasts a few weeks, maybe months, but it becomes dangerous when it stretches into years.

Many people live in what I now think of as a state of existential passivity. I used to describe it simply as "living without awareness," but philosophy and psychology offer more precise language for this condition.

Philosophical and Psychological Concepts

1. Bad faith (Jean-Paul Sartre): The existentialist philosopher used this term to describe the act of self-deception to escape freedom. The person pretends they have no options ("I have no choice," "I must do this") to avoid the anguish and responsibility of choosing their own path. A psychological state that can develop after repeated experiences of powerlessness. Eventually, the person believes that nothing they do will make a difference, so they stop trying ... even when change becomes possible.
2. External locus of control: Psychologists such as Julian Rotter define this as the belief that external forces (luck, fate, society, or family) determine everything that happens, thereby eliminating the notion of personal agency.
3. The impersonal "Self" (Martin Heidegger): Heidegger described inauthentic existence as living under the dictates of "what is said" or "what is done." The person doesn't choose for themselves but lets the masses choose for them.

All these definitions have something in common: the self-deception or self-convincing that we have no control over anything. Once our mind "awakens," it wants to change, and we realize that we do have some control; we want to start over.

The phases of becoming responsible and aware of our lives

Now, this is the hardest part, but keep reading. We used to live deceived, but now we're awake. Now the challenges and doubts begin, and many voices in our minds will try to make us stop taking responsibility for our choices.These are the phases you will go through: 

1. Conformity

You want to change your mind, your life, your world. It all sounds very broad, very difficult, and you don't know where to start. After mentally torturing yourself, you tell yourself it's easier to leave things as they are. What's good about changing? Why did you even think about it? Then the same thing happens, but in reverse: your mind awakens to new possibilities and starts asking yourself why you can't live a different life.

2. Authenticity

You've lived for many years the way you are: you dress a certain way, you speak a certain way, you have certain friends, you go to certain places, etc.

When you decide to start over, you realize you've changed, sometimes drastically, sometimes only in certain aspects, and that to live differently, many things have changed or will change because it's the natural evolution of everything. It isn't about becoming someone else. It's about becoming a more complete version of yourself.

Once this starts happening, you might feel like a fraud. You think differently, you want to talk about different things and look different; you begin to doubt whether the change truly reflects who you are or if you're just disguising yourself as someone else.

Conversely, other people return to their original form, and this has the opposite effect; they feel stronger. It feels like an archaeologist uncovering a forgotten civilization. Piece by piece, what was buried begins to explain who we really are.

3. Failure

This phase comes after you've overcome the doubt about your new or renewed self. Why do you feel like you've failed? Because, as is natural for human beings, we want every change and result to be immediately apparent. When the change in your life doesn't happen, you feel like you've failed. Of course, this isn't the case. It takes time and work on yourself. The change is primarily in the mind.

4. Comparing Yourself to Others

Another hurdle in the process of your rebirth. Before, you didn't notice people who were more successful, happier, or healthier than you, but once your eyes are open, your mind creates an unnecessary comparison, and you can sabotage yourself.

5. The Perfect Moment

This is the part where we waste time; we are waiting for "the perfect moment" to start changing, but that perfect moment may or may not arrive if we let life take charge; we are the ones who decide when the perfect moment is to start, ready or not.

Mauvaise Foi -Bad Faith  (Jean-Paul Sartre)

What is "Bad Faith" 

According to Sartre, humans are condemned by their freedom. Why? Because we are forced to make choices every day of our lives, which means we are responsible for our lives. Let's face it, when we think about it, that level of responsibility can cause anyone to get anxious or sick. 

So what do we do to survive, to soften the blow of the realization?  We lie.

According to Sartre, we lie to ourselves. We pretend we are not 100% responsible for our actions; we are not responsible for the path our life has taken; we pretend we don't have options. To give you some examples:

1. That's the way I am ( my favorite one): Of course you can change, maybe not immediately or completely; you just don't want to) but you are avoiding the harder question:

"What if I could change?"

2. I can't leave him because I love him.: AKA Love removes my freedom. Love is real. Attachment is real. Leaving can be extraordinarily difficult. But Sartre would argue that even in those circumstances, we are still making a choice. Love influences us; it does not erase our freedom.

3. I don't have time for anything: I am not on my priority list; everyone else is, or I'm choosing to spend my time on other priorities.

Jean-Paul Sartre illustrates Mauvaise Foi with these examples

The Café Waiter

Sartre describes watching a waiter whose movements are a little too precise, a little too eager, a little too mechanical. The waiter is playing a role: he is turning himself into a "waiter-object." He acts as though his entire identity and essence are defined by his job description. He pretends that "waiter" is just a social role he chooses to perform, not what he inherently is.

The main point: People often confuse our job title, social role, or public persona with who we actually are. If we become mothers/fathers, we think we have to change; if we have a different social position, we don't socialize with others as we used to. We begin confusing the roles we play with who we actually are. 

The First Date

Sartre describes a woman on a date. Her companion takes her hand. She knows this signals a romantic move, but she doesn't want to make a choice (either to accept it or reject it). She leaves her hand in his and pretends not to notice, talking deeply about intellectual matters. She treats her hand as a passive piece of physical matter, a mere object, to avoid deciding what she wants.

The Takeaway: Passive indecision/ Refusing to decide is still a decision, a choice to deny your own agency. You are pretending you don't have power. You pretend you are helpless to this "opportunity in front of you." It happened; now you have to let it run its course. 

How does this affect us today?

• Social Media: Social media encourages us to become the authors, editors, marketers, and actors of our own identities. We carefully select photos, captions, opinions, and even personalities depending on the platform. LinkedIn asks for one version of us, Instagram another, TikTok another. None of these identities are necessarily false, but they can become performances we mistake for our authentic selves.
  
• Professional burnout: Staying in a miserable career because "it's the only option" is a classic example of hiding from our scary, real choices. We stay because telling ourselves "I have no choice" feels less frightening than admitting we do have one.
• Algorithm Culture: Recommendation algorithms don't make our decisions for us, but they can tempt us to outsource them. The more we let trends, influencers, and recommendation systems tell us what to watch, wear, believe, or pursue, the easier it becomes to avoid asking ourselves what we actually want.

Sure, we have been conditioned and grew up in an environment where people actually believe we don't have choices, we can't be responsible for our lives, but we are now conscious of it. We need to understand that we make everyday choices; sure, they are not easy, pretty, or comfortable, but who wouldn't like to be in control of their destiny?  Recognizing Mauvaise Foi in yourself isn't meant to cause guilt; it's an invitation to take the wheel back. The next time you catch yourself saying "I have to," try swapping it for "I am choosing to."

But as Sartre reminds us: The script is never finished, and you're the one holding the pen.

Sartre wasn't arguing that we control everything. We don't choose where we're born, our past, our genetics, or every circumstance we face. He called these realities our facticity. What we do choose is how we respond to them. Freedom doesn't mean unlimited possibilities; it means responsibility within the possibilities we actually have.

Pushing Daisies’ Coeur d’Coeurs: Origin and Meaning of the Town’s Name

If you want to know more about Pushing Daisies, click here

If you are a fan, you will know that Coeur d'Coeurs  is the hometown of Ned and Charlotte "Chuck" Charles on Pushing Daisies

- What does it mean? 

Apparently the show made a mistake writing the town's name, as the correct spelling is Coeur des Coeurs , which means: ‘heart of hearts’ or the depths of one’s conscience or emotions.

If you want to know more about this show click here

THE ORIGIN OF THE PHRASE

This anatomically curious but firmly established expression is a variant of the older and more comprehensible heart of heart, meaning very centre of the heart, which was coined by the English poet and playwright William Shakespeare (1564-1616) in The Tragicall Historie of Hamlet, Prince of Denmarke (between 1599 and 1602); Hamlet says to his friend Horatio:

(Quarto 2, 1604)
Giue me that man
That is not passions slaue, and I will weare him
In my harts core, I [= ay] in my hart of hart
As I doe thee.

Coeur d'Coeurs: The meaning this name takes in the show

The town is situated 131 miles due south of the major unnamed city where some of the show's forensic investigations take place. This town features a highly stylized, fairy-tale visual aesthetic characterized by vibrant colors, symmetrical production designs, and retro-futuristic architecture.

Ned leaves his town under tragic circumstances when he is just a child, the tragic circumstances  are so life-changing and traumatic that he never wants to go back. The only reason he could go back there is if his unofficial work partnerships take him there, if it's absolutely imperative for him to be there, and that's exactly what happens. His first love grew up there. 

Hearts of Hearts is closely connected with what Ned feels about his past, what is inside his heart, and what is so private that not even the 2 closes people in his life, Olive Snook and Emerson Cod, have any idea of the secrets he keeps.

Coeur d'Coeurs (without the "des", which is grammatically correct) is not only the home of Ned and Chuck, it signifies so much more to him. This town is where:

• The piemaker gets his " gift " and uses it for the first time
• He meets and loses his first love
• His family life changed forever ( Losing his parents in different ways)
• He inadvertently brings someone back to life and kills someone for the first time

His childhood is suddenly all about loss and change. 

Click here for Pushing Daisies : The creator and some facts

If you want to know more about this show click here

Post-Mortem Photography: A Historical and Cultural Ritual of Grief ( Pt 4 )

To read Victorian Mourning and Post-Mortem Photography: A Cultural History Pt. 1 HERE

By Pale Angel

The Desire for Lasting Connection

I have always believed in the importance of preserving memories—of holding onto a tangible piece of those we have lost to feel closer to them. For me, that "piece" is often a photograph. When we look at modern society, there appears to be a greater detachment from the reality of death than in previous centuries. It raises an important question: Have we become more afraid of mortality than our ancestors were?

The Shift in Grieving Traditions

It is difficult to pinpoint exactly when this detachment began. Today, the grieving ritual often feels like a task to be completed as quickly as possible, frequently under the guise of "sparing the family further pain." Yet, for some, there is a deep-seated need to spend time with the deceased, offering a final, lingering goodbye to the physical presence of their loved one before the burial or cremation.

The Evolution of the Image

While I respect any family’s decision to commission post-mortem photography, I recognize that the practical necessity for it has diminished. The advent of the Kodak Brownie and subsequent portable cameras revolutionized how we record life. As photography became accessible and common, the "need" for a final portrait faded.

In the modern age, we often have thousands of digital images of our loved ones captured throughout their lives. Perhaps having such a vibrant record of their living years has made the post-mortem portrait feel unnecessary to most, shifting our focus from the moment of passing back to the journey of life.

The Choice to Settle

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Throughout my life I had a few existential crises, the first one being about 11- 12, an overwhelming realization on my back patio. A thought came over me; what’s the point of life? What will happen when my parents die? What am I supposed to do with my life? It was the first time in my life I questioned if my path was predestined, or was I the architect of my own future?

By 15, I experienced a profound emotional low or depression. I felt a disconnect from the superficiality around me, realizing that many social bonds were built on appearance rather than character. It felt like a loss of innocence. I realized that people were appreciated for what they looked like and for what you could gain from their “ friendship” .Fortunately, my final years of high school brought enduring friendships, yet that "shadow" occasionally returned, leading me to question my place in this reality.

Image Credit: "mother holding her belly" by Sie7e Fotos. Licensing available via 500px.

As the years went by and moments in the black hole made me think a lot and notice how many people around me settle for many things in life and this is why everyone looked happy and fulfilled with their life . Women have to settle for many things and fast, for example, getting married to have a family and get pregnant, society always reminds us that the clock is ticking. 

We are often told to "never settle," but is that advice realistic? Choosing to settle can be a conscious trade-off for stability, mental health, or simplicity. This post examines the fine line between finding true contentment and simply stopping the pursuit, offering a fresh perspective on what it means to choose "enough" over "everything."

Today, I still face the temptation to choose the "standard" life. While I still live in the same town, and follow a routine like everyone else, I try to do it my way, with a purpose. I strive to act with intention. I refuse to simply "drift" through existence ( better now that never). If you must go with the flow for a time, don't fear it, just use that time to find the stream that truly belongs to you. People like us, always find a way. 

What have you settled for in life? What remains non-negotiable for you?

Goth Problems

• Melting in the sunlight
• Summer
• Having no money in October
• When you run out of black makeup
• When your blacks don’t match
• People calling you emo
• When people assume you’re a satanist
• When your favorite band isn’t available on iTunes

I'm dead and I'm here ! Headstones: Why Cemeteries Are the Last Witnesses of Our Existence

The headstone/gravestone marks the place where a grave or tomb is placed. They are traditionally used by most religious people and they became part of the funerary tradition and business. The gravestone is the way a family honors the deceased by putting this eternal memorial on“the last place to rest”. This is a tradition that I think we should keep alive.

Just think about it, from here to a hundred years, future generations will probably find our destroyed coffins, our bodies… bones and wonder if we were male or female?, who we were?, when did we died? and more. Part of the objective of the gravestones is not only for ID purposes (so the family can visit the body without forgetting the place) but because the human being has a fear to be forgotten. For most of us, documentation and a gravestone will be the only proof for the next generation that we existed once upon a time.

Most of the world’s population won’t enjoy a massive popularity, not even in their hometown but we will have a family that will remember and have us present in every important milestone in their life but if we are truly lucky, there will be someone who will want to know more about us even after we are gone.

When people started to make headstone, they started out by making them from simple materials and simple designs with symbolisms. From pieces of stone to carved wood, we manage to level up this important cemetery piece. In the old, old days when body snatching was fashionable; families even built cages on top of the graves.

Headstones nowadays are made from different materials: Fieldstones, Granite, Marble and Slate.  In the beginning all tombs had a stone lid, if the coffin was completely made of stone or not, this stone lid was placed over the grave. Stones were used to mark where a body was buried; they were placed around the grave and just marked with a name or initials (that's sad).

One important element on a headstone is the identification of the deceased person, the day of birth and death, a prayer or specials words by the family, a photo and finally a place to put flowers. Most people decides to put a little fence or something to surround the grave this way other cemetery visitors won’t step on a person’s last resting place.

Having a gravestone was and still is a symbol of wealth, the bigger the better. Some people used to buy expensive material and used designs that become traditional but were very symbolic, like skulls, birds, angels, flowers, praying hands, crosses, etc. The headstone evolved into pieces of art. Big or small, the sculptures that some graves have are beautiful and incredible. If you take a walk on a graveyard you will see sculptures of angels, Saints, hands, books, beds, Greek columns and more.

Photos by: www.7fotos.blogspot.com

Sadly, there are more and more people going for cremation “Today, nearly all of the deceased receive some sort of burial or cremation even if it is paid for by the state. The cost of land and the current overcrowding in cemeteries, along with changes in perception, have made people consider cremation.  Cremations are less expensive than the cost of caskets and plots.” -247wallst . 

 I say sadly because XXI century people are opposite to the way The Victorians were during the 1800’s (Click to read more) ; people now hate death, they don’t want to talk about it, it’s scary and a morbid issue that shouldn’t be a topic of conversation…at all! So with that mindset, the sooner a body goes underground and if people don’t have to deal with a corpse THE BETTER! Cremation means that families won’t have to set a foot on a graveyard and that means that there will be one less proof of a person existing or worst; the neglect of cemeteries. Let’s face it, yes…we will have photos, facebook profiles and documents but none of them will truly express the love of a mourning family for the decease the way a headstone does. It will have a direct effect on people's way to see death; probably it will make people colder. Where our feelings will go if we cannot mourn in a place made for that?